Tuesday, March 22, 2011

One more reason to heal...

dieting four year old from Oprah's show
I'm a girl outnumbered, and it's always been that way.

From the age of four when I noticed the swell in my mom's belly, I started praying for a little sister, and after that, a little sister, and the next time, a little sister and surely this last time, I would get a little sister.

And God, in his glorious and perfect will, gave me

a little brother,

a little brother,

a little brother,

and another little brother.

I love those guys, all taller than me now, with a fierce loyalty and I miss not the sister I thought I wanted.

My house is now also decidedly blue, with the testosterone of a manly man, the antics of a mischevious son and the gurgles of one baby boy all crashing and colliding and making for one crazy happy home.

We are open to having a third. [I am open to having a fourth.] And if God ever decides to send some pink my way, I've found just one more reason to heal:

for the sake of a daughter.

Moms, if you don't think yourself worthy to heal, if you fear the pain that will inevitably arise on the journey, if you sense the inconvenience of it all and rationalize that the past is the past and that you are simply too busy to face your demons, I beg you

if not for you, for your daughter.

In April 2006, Oprah featured three mother-daughter couples, including a makeup-obsessed three year old and a dieting four year old. The mothers thought their girls just picked up their poor self-esteem from preschool. The mothers also revealed their own struggles with body image and pain from their own pasts.

There is a direct correlation.

Your daughter may be healthy and secure and happy. A regular Ashley Mayer, I'd call her (the daughter of our lead pastor--freakishly confident and beautiful). And that's wonderful. Your daughter may struggle with an eating disorder or a poor self-image. And that's not to say it's your fault. We do live in a fallen world and we're assailed with lies, yes, as early as preschool.

But if you've been made aware of your own pain

and if you've dismissed it because it's too big and too scary and there are no easy answers to be had,

maybe you should take another look.

Maybe you should allow yourself to grieve, to speak aloud the horrible truths and then receive comfort from the Divine Counselor. If courage is lacking, maybe not for yourself. Maybe you take this leap, this time,

for the sake of your daughter.


  1. this is precisely what drove me to counseling. my mother, in all of her tenderness, never healed. it's painful to know some of my own struggles directly mirror her own. i don't want this pain for my future daughter. i want to be whole. healthy. unafraid.

    beautiful post.

  2. Thank you, Elora. It's good to hear from you--this week, I prayed several times for your own healing journey. I hope it's going "well," as well as well can be. :-)

  3. april, this is amazing. this is exactly what it's all about. but i hope to heal for myself too... to see myself as worthy enough to recover for. i love the link you provided from oprah. blessings, sister. xo

  4. ps. is it okay if i share this link at my chasing silhouettes blog sometime?