Thursday, March 3, 2011

miss you

Driving down the road today, two boys in tow, a warm breeze hit my face and took me, for just a moment, to times less complicated.

The Eagles rock out something about girls and California as we drive my beloved PCH. It stretches before us for miles and miles, salty wind runs through strands of wannabe blonde hair and we, we sit side by side with much to say and nothing at all.

We were driving to Santa Barbara. A wine tour through the Santa Inez Valley and dinners at mom and pop restaurants, bicycle rides on the beach and cigar walks on the sand, comfy pillows and alarms unplugged  awaited us, but the road is what I miss.

I miss the lack of agenda. The lack of deadlines (if not for a few days), the lack of watch-checking and babysitter-fee-calculating. I miss getting away to dream. To love. To be. Without the pressure of trying to catch up on words and sleep. I miss the world that was ours alone, the selfish love we indulged in for years before God gave us our babies. 

I love my boys, my baby and my son-turned-pirate, and I eat and breathe and live and sleep their needs, their wants, their joys and sorrows. My life is richer and fuller than ever before because they're here and because I'm their mother.

But with the catch of the warm breeze today, with the catch of his eye this morning, I'm left wanting more of us. Just us.


  1. Oh I hope you can get away and just be a couple. It is good for mom's and dad's to spend time renewing their 'time together' if you have opportunity and a babysitter GET AWAY, or send the children away and you just relax.
    It is good. From a grandma of six in Oregon

  2. Totally understand. My hubs and I went to college in Los Angeles. We used to roller blade betweeen Santa Monica and Venice Beach all of the time on the weekends. Once I graduated we lived in Ventura county, and I would drive PCH from Los Angeles all the way home, with my convertible top down. I loved those days...but I did not know how much I should have savored them. I have learned. Now these days home with my kids I am savoring it....because time moves so fast. I get what you mean about wanting more of "us" though.

  3. Farmer Files, where in Ventura County? I grew up in Thousand Oaks, went to Westlake High School before moving out to Florida. Small world! Thanks for reading! Thanks for understanding... :-)

    Grandma of six--I hear your wisdom. Once the baby is a little older, we'll attempt something like that. :-)

  4. i try and remember this as we work toward adoption. i want to soak in these moments we have with each other without the diapers and formula and 24/7 vigilance. thanks for the reminder. :)