I've been blogging for two and a half years and have never referenced it.
I wrote about it here and here (same article) this past month, and intentionally chose to not link it up with this site.
I even got up on stage, in front of 300 people, and talked about it for fifteen minutes.
And yet, I couldn't bring myself to share it with this platform.
Funny how familiarity breeds risk; how anonymity creates a sense of safety.
The truth is, there are family members and childhood friends who read this blog and I know that.
My fear and my shame know that.
The truth is, this one isolated event has impacted my life significantly, far more than I realize, I'm now learning.
The truth is, I wrestle with its ramifications regularly. It spills over into my relationship with God, into the dynamics that play out in my marriage, into my self-image and my control issues.
When this blog has fallen silent, I've probably been in the throes of its effects. Posts have been edited, all allusions censored. I've literally put an entire part of my person-hood on mute.
The truth is, I'm tired of carrying a burden of shame that doesn't belong to me.
The truth is, I was molested.
---
There are those my story may help [stats say one in four girls, one in six boys]. I plan to write more about my journey of healing as I go forward.
But for now, in this moment, this post is about walking away from the shame, declaring it will own me no more.
It happened to me.
There.
{For the record, it was no one anyone knew. I spoke about it here, if you want a listen.}
Dear April,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry this happened to you, but I am so thankful to you that you are courageous enough to write about it and to speak about it (I watched the video.) You were wonderful in the video, and I'm sure you are and will be a healing influence, with God's help, to a lot of people regarding their wounds. I know you helped me...
Blessings, Janet
And your words speak for those that feel they cannot speak. Be blessed.
ReplyDeleteYou are so brave. Thank you so much for sharing.
ReplyDeleteSometimes the pain of your story is just what someone else needs to hear to get through the pain of theirs.
April,
ReplyDeleteI literally jumped an inch out of my seat when I read those three words. I had no idea. Although your experience has made you feel less than what you are worth, your strength as a person and as a woman has always inspired and continues to inspire those around you. You're beautiful, and I look forward to reading about your journey of healing!
Janet, thank you so much for sharing that. Your words were encouraging. I'll be praying for your healing.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, April -
ReplyDeleteJanet