you can be quiet for now

 
I have, for over 15 years, become increasingly aware of a personality of mine. She's erratic; her presence inconsistent. There have been entire phases of my life where she was dominant; other times she's been shoved to the back seat, whining for lack of attention.

We'll just call her Granola.

Granola was the one who asked an associate at Taco Bell for a print-out of their (non) nutritional facts so she could choose the lesser of many evils. Granola influenced my decision to abstain from red meat (and mayonnaise) for 6 years. Granola currently monitors mine and my son's Omega fatties' intake and was a champ when I was pregnant. She even broke down the daily percent value of foods into grams so I wouldn't be lacking nutrients like calcium, folic acid, and protein while I was preggo and nursing.

Granola protested my engagement to my husband, the most anti-granola man I've met. I had to counsel her, persuading her that marriage is built on things like character, integrity, shared values and common vision for life.

Not food.

She still breaks out her I-told-you-so taunting at the dinner table every now and then.

Granola has my best interests at heart, but she can be devious. Like the few years I struggled with an eating disorder--she screwed that one up. She even covered for my "pickiness" with socially acceptable excuses to not eat. She fed me the "I'm a vegetarian" line, and people bought it.

Presently, I'm taking a cooking class. It's exciting and inspiring and invigorating.

But you should hear Granola.

She gasped when we studied emulsions.

The reason those two ingredients don't want to stick together is that they shouldn't! And you shouldn't consume them either! 

Or, last Tuesday when an alfredo sauce was simmering (I thought we were clarifying butter). Chef Alan showed me how fresh ground nutmeg "cuts the taste of fat" in your mouth. The spice deceives your taste buds from figuring out just how heart-stopping rich the sauce actually is.

It's everything in Granola to not rip every last shard of fat off the chicken bones before they go into the stock pot.

So we've come to a point of conflict, me and Granola.

I can't have her snotty and judgmental thoughts floating through my head every time I try a new recipe. I believe, I truly do, in eating healthily. I especially believe in knowing exactly what it is you eat. There are so many easy modifications (or brand changes) you can make that really benefit your diet, simply because you know what should and shouldn't be in your food.

With that said, I'm just trying to learn how to cook right now.

So I'm temporarily suspending Granola's influence.


She'll come back-- she always does, but maybe this next time she'll be a little more open-minded.